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Peeps in the back ground, me sporting new diamond earrings! Merry Christmas :) |
Sooooo, my intentions of sharing my journey of weight loss and adventures went side ways. I found myself unable to communicate the changes as they were happening because I really only had energy to keep moving forward everyday. I have had Writer's block, editing block, picture taking block, heck even fictional reading block. Boooo!! I LOVE doing all those things but any kind of mental effort required beyond counting my reps in WODs or making up a grocery list was just too much effort at all.
One reason, I'm sure, was my silly hang up with "doing things perfect". Who's standard? My own obviously. I am someone who only likes to do a project if I know I can make it absolutely perfect. What is my definition of perfect? Well if I wouldn't buy it, read it, give it or want it.... it's less than professional and therefore not perfect. What comes from that? A life time of procrastination, unfinished projects, unsent gifts and cards(sometimes I just couldn't find the "perfect" words to write in a card!) and therefore missed memories. It makes me sad really. One thing I have learned about myself over the last few months of huge personal growth and change is this: Let Go. Everyday I find myself having to face the workings of a mind that likes to please everyone, be everything, anticipate and fill every need then still expects to get a good sleep at night. So I have to constantly remind myself to Let Go. It's my little sanity mantra for the next while until it becomes second nature. Here are some questions for you; What do you Let Go of? How do you Let Go?
1) What do you Let Go of?
I've decided, anything that creates stress in my mind and therefore body!! Well let's be realistic, somethings you have to face and deal with. For example, your dog breaks his leg and you have to get him to the emergency pet hospital after hours. Are you really going to put him down and say, "sorry pup, I'm making a choice to Let Go of stress so you're on your own dude!", obviously not! You have to face the situation but you can Let Go of guilt, money panic and your own fear of incompetent vets. Those emotions won't serve you and if you are a faithful follower of Cesar Milan, they certainly won't serve your dog in a healthy balanced way either. Catch my drift here? So what am I working on letting go of? haha the list is loooong my friends! The depths of my own mind's created chaos runs deep but here are a few things.
Some things I have Let Go of successfully that were everyday stress sources for me:
Massive fear of terminal cancer, fear of food, fear of the scale, anger at my mom, anger regarding my brothers death, the act of mourning my brother, hating my image in the mirror, telling myself I'm disgusting and not worth the effort, looking for symptoms of being sick.
Few things I have almost Let Go of but still have to stop and work through:
Feeling I have to fill every need and demand, saying no and not feeling guilt, my to do list obsession, over thinking conversations and fearing that I somehow might have offended someone during said convo (weird right!?), anger at injustice.
2) How do you Let Go?
This is a work in progress for me. I take a big deep breath and ask this: Am I stressed about this thought/task/situation? If yes, you need to let it go. I start by recognizing the stress and then looking at the way it is serving me. For example, a dead line that is stressing me out can be very motivating to complete the job so that's a good thing. I can create more stress though by feeling that not only do I have to meet the deadline but I also have to tick off 5 things on my list of other things to do. This is not a good thing and usually has me running around completing nothing and feeling like a failure. Then I ask, what is the priority? The project deadline. What else must I do in the day that is absolutely necessary? Walk the dog and feed the family. Reduce the stress further by saying "Sorry family, Momma is busy with a big priority today and we are eating pizza tonight." I let go of clean the bathrooms, call my mom, unpack the boxes from our move last week and "I must make a home cooked meal otherwise I will be considered a lousy mother and wife and all other 25 items on the list.
Where is this blog topic going? Back to why I haven't been writing, shooting, editing or creating. What was the priority? Fitness of body and mind. What had to be cut off the to do list? Everything besides basic human needs for myself and my family. Seriously. Everything else was a distraction. To make the big changes I was looking for I had to give big effort. That commitment to self has been paying off for sure!! I'm 25lbs less and 4 sizes smaller but most importantly I look in the mirror and smile :) How I learned to smile before the weight came off... thats another blog topic!
